Confusion

Yesterday night was supposed to be a happy night, to send off a friend and wish him good luck in his review for the bar exam. But one question disrupted the usual boisterous laughter and merriment of our now few attendance.

“What happened to XXXXX?”

Isn’t he abroad? Didn’t he just have his visa for somewhere? Didn’t he just visited our high school and former teachers?

We halted our “party” and went to our phones to seek answers. The posts in his walls, confirmed as much. He was not with us any longer. He had chosen to be with God.

I called a friend that was like a brother to him, he confirmed it. Details are vague but he said that there was a note. He wanted to be cremated and his ashes to be thrown at sea. By the way, he was a Mariner.

What caused him to take his own life? Depression, they said. What caused his depression, no one was really sure. It could have been because of his recent break-up from a long-time relationship, worry for a family member’s health, or his own health… really it could have been anything and no one really knows because he didn’t told anyone and no one would ever have guessed he was capable of something like this because HE HAD PLANS FOR THE FUTURE. To meet up with friends, travel, build a home…

A month ago a friend had also died, not from taking his own life, but he died in his sleep. Before he died he was described as very depressed because of his fallout from the mother of his child. He was also a bright, loving, happy guy.

I’ve been reading and hearing about these kinds of stories from other people or from the internet, and now that it’s happening to my friends, it has been like a reality check. It can’t get more real than this. What is depression? What are its symptoms? How can you detect a depressed person? We need to be educated about this stuff. I know that there are numerous agencies or facilities or groups that help in these type of matters. I don’t know if it’s because they’re not much commercialized that they aren’t that recognized but everyone should definitely spread the word that THERE IS HELP for those who are depressed or feel that they are.

My heart breaks for all those who have been defeated by this monster. It’s easy for other people to say, he could have just talked about it to someone then he would have been fine, or he just needs a hobby, or that he lacked familial support… No. We can only imagine how they are feeling or what they are going through, I think it needs to be us who reaches out to them. We need to educate ourselves.

It could really be just anyone. Even the less likely to.

May they rest in peace.